dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
