My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
