I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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