Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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