I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
