Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
