All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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