And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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