end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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