I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
