is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
