The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize