Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
