i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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