My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
