Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
