just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
