I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
