My girlfriend figured out who you are.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
