So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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