is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
