There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
