i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
