Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
