My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
