I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Hello my rib-scented angel!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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