I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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