I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
