My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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