i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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