We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
