I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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