"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
