Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
