Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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