make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
