I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
