you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
