Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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