So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Randomize
