before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize