I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
