In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
