I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
