he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
