I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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