ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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