You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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