I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
