Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
