Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize