we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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