I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
