Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
