He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
