dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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