I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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