Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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