I cockslap morals
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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