"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
