My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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