so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
