I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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