Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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