anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
