You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
