And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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