i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
