this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
