i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize