you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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