my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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