Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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