the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
