I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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