And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize