why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
