I wish I could teleport
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
