I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
