Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
