Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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