Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
