I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
