The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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