And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
