You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
