PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
