Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
