my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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