it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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