Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
