Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
