its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
