apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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