omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Come share oat with me in your robe
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