His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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