i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
