Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
