i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
