he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
