you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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