You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
