God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
