Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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