oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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