Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
